


The Risk Would Have Been What Made It Fun

by EmAndFandems



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Animagus, Boys Being Boys, Chocolate, Gen, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Originally Posted on Tumblr, sirius black is a drama queen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-10
Updated: 2020-02-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:00:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22642228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmAndFandems/pseuds/EmAndFandems
Summary: “Moony. I atechocolate. As adog.”(In which Sirius is dramatic, Remus is the voice of reason, and the gang is up past their bedtime.)
Relationships: Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew & James Potter
Comments: 4
Kudos: 34





	The Risk Would Have Been What Made It Fun

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is like... years late to the party but I had so much fun with it that it would be a crime to deny the world the chance to enjoy it too. I _know_ it was inspired by an ancient Tumblr post, but I cannot find it for the life of me, so please accept my apologies and feel free to send me the link/image if you come across it! Title is a quote Sirius tells Harry in OOTP.

Sirius bursts into the common room, an hour after he said he was going to bed.

“What is it?” says Remus, without looking up from his homework scroll.

“I ate chocolate,” Sirius says, very seriously indeed.

“And you didn’t share?” Remus turns the page of the potions textbook open in front of him. “Not exactly something I would expect you to run in here to tell me about.”

“Moony. I ate _chocolate_. As a _dog_.”

At this Remus looks away from the homework. “Oh. Huh.”

“Am I going to die?” Sirius demands.

“No way,” Remus argues. “You’re not a dog now, right? It’ll be fine.”

Sirius considers this. “I’m getting James,” he says, and runs back up the stairs.

He reappears a few minutes later with a panicking James and a sleepy Peter following.

“IS HE GOING TO DIE?” James shouts.

Peter rubs his eyes. “What’s going on?”

“Sirius had some chocolate,” Remus explains, “and he’s being daft about it.”

“I am _not_ being daft, I’m being deathly ill,” Sirius says. “Terribly hardhearted of you to ignore the predicament I’m in right now. For bloody Potions. Catch Slughorn failing you! You can finish that later, Moony, I’m fucking dying over here.”

“You’re not dying,” says Remus, but he closes the textbook and rolls up the scroll to put in his bag.

James begins to pace. “What do we know about the situation?” he says, and begins to tick things off on his fingers. “One: dogs cannot eat chocolate. Two: Sirius was a dog. Three: Sirius ate chocolate, because he’s a prat. Ergo, conclusion: Sirius is dying.”

Peter sets a hand on Sirius’ shoulder. “Do you want me to tell Regulus?” he offers, and Sirius raises his eyes to the ceiling in a _God-give-me-strength_ pose.

“No one is telling anyone anything about Sirius dying!” says Remus, just as Lily walks in with Marlene.

“Who’s dying?” Marlene raises an eyebrow.

“No one,” say all four boys at once.

“You’re out past curfew,” says James. “What are you up to, ladies?”

“Nothing,” say both girls at once.

A moment passes. Then another. Six pairs of eyes narrow. The girls shrug and head to their dormitory. When they’re gone, Sirius lets out a wail.

“Shut it!” hisses Remus. “Someone could hear you!”

“That won’t matter if I’m dead before they find us out,” says Sirius mournfully.

“You aren’t–! Okay, let’s think this through. Does what you eat as a dog stay in your body when you transform back?”

“How should I know?” Sirius looks at James, who shrugs.

“Dissection,” James suggests, and Sirius nods.

“I give you permission to perform the autopsy, Prongs.”

“Jesus fucking Christ,” says Remus, “no one is dying! Sirius, are you hungry?”

“Not really,” Sirius says, “but of course the mortally ill are never really hungry.”

“Ignoring that.” Remus closes his eyes in a long-suffering way. “Okay. So. Not hungry. When did you last eat in human form?“

“At dinner,” says Sirius instantly. “Wait, no, had a licorice wand after.”

Peter checks his watch. “Hours ago.”

James claps his hands together. “You should be hungry by now, mate. So what’s that prove?”

“Same stomach,” says Remus. “What you eat as a dog stays with you. So the chocolate is in your human stomach now, which doesn’t have any problems with it. You’re fine. _As I’ve been saying._ Can you all fuck off back to bed now? Some of us were working.”

“And some of us were sleeping,” grumbles Peter. “If Sirius isn’t dying, why’d you make me come down here, James?”

“Well, we all thought he was,” says James defensively, “and if he were wouldn’t you like to be with him in his final moments?”

“We did _not_ ,” Remus says.

“Saint Moony,” James says, and bows. “Saving us from ourselves every night. The treasure of the Gryffindor dorm–”

Remus tosses his bag at James, who scarpers.

Sirius has been staring into the middle distance since the discovery of his perfect health. “Damn,” he says softly, “I’ll have to do that Potions essay after all.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please leave a comment to let me know what you thought! <3


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